Doughnut Syndrome: It Starts When You Buy Into The Beliefs of Others
Picture, if you will,...a doughnut.
Just an ordinary one; a traditional one.
Maybe it’s a pretty one covered in pink icing. Or perhaps you favour a more classy and minimalist type with a clear sugary glaze. Or maybe you like one that is more edgy and mysterious with a deep, dark, and rich chocolate cloak. And maybe yours even has a few added touches like some colourful sprinkles on that pretty in pink one. Or maybe your classic glaze is touched by a subtle berry drizzle.
Or your deep chocolate delicacy may be adorned
with shaved dark chocolate curls.
Mmmmmm mmmm. Don’t they sound good?
But more importantly, don't they LOOK good?!
Doughnuts look so delicious. Pretty, or fun, or classy, or dark and mysterious.
We can spend quite a while finding the perfect one to match our delights....
but we often take the recommendations of others...
We think the pink one with sprinkles looks amazing, but then our friend tells us that if we like chocolate, then we absolutely have to have the chocolate one with dark chocolate drizzle and shaved curls. So we choose that chocolate one, even though deep down, we know we desire the pink one. And then it turns out, everyone thinks the chocolate suits you best so they keep buying you the chocolate one, and you don't say anything because it probably is more suitable for you to have that one. And so you spend every week for years eating that one particular chocolate doughnut until you have completely forgotten that you ever liked the pink one at all.
Until One Day You Remember
But one day, just as you are about to bite into your favourite chocolatey doughnut, you suddenly realize something is wrong.
You notice a little niggle somewhere from deep inside you... what is it? A pain?
Or maybe, it’s just a space... an emptiness?
A big old empty space just sitting right in the middle of your chest?
Because you suddenly realize... (or remember?) ... that you don’t like these doughnuts.
You have never liked these overly chocolate sickly sweet doughnuts. And somehow you know that that if you eat this doughnut it will definitely NOT fulfill you. Because these doughnuts are something everybody else had convinced you that you liked. You had listened to them and done what you thought was the right thing to do. You bought them and ate them because everyone said it was what made you happy. It's what made you, you.
But in this moment, as your mouth hovers open ready to bite into your so-called favourite doughnut, you are turned off. You even feel a little sick.
Because you suddenly realize you do not like this ugly little brown circle of sugar.
And more importantly, YOU ARE NOT HAPPY. NOT AT ALL.
You feel EMPTY inside... and this means you have developed and fallen victim to
So Then, What is This Doughnut Syndrome?
By this time, it's becoming apparent to you that doughnuts are not cool.
They’ve got a problem. .. a serious problem.
You see, a doughnut has a HOLE in it.
It has a piece MISSING.
It’s an imposter... pretending to be so gorgeous and wholesome.
It’s not wholesome.
How can it be?!?
It has no core, and things need a core in order to be strong and healthy and robust.
People need a strong and healthy core in order to live strong and healthy lives.
Our core is part of the foundation of our existence.
Our core is what holds us upright.
Our core houses our heart... and therefore our compassion, beauty, love, grace...
as well as our purpose and passion,
our personal power,
and our deepest desires.
In other words, our core houses our intuition, our gut instinct, our sixth sense.
If you've got Doughnut Syndrome, then you are missing your middle.
You are feeling empty, like something is missing,
devoid of some crucial piece that makes you, you.
You no longer feel connected, passionate, purposeful, strong, brave, or inspired.
You feel less than whole and unfulfilled.
What you DO feel is...
empty, sad, grief-stricken, bored, longing for more, overweight, unhealthy,
stressed, anxious, depressed, and/or bereft...
Yup. You got it. Doughnut Syndrome.
But How Did I End Up With Doughnut Syndrome?
Good question. Really good question.
Because if you don’t examine what’s causing your doughnut syndrome,
then things will only keep getting worse.
That hole will just keep getting larger and your pain and disconnection will steadily increase.
So here it is. The Truth of the Matter.
You have developed Doughnut Syndrome because you have not been true to yourself.
You've been living someone else's life.
You've been chasing and claiming other people's dreams.
You have listened to all the other people in your life who have told you
the best way you can make money,
the type of guy you should marry,
how many kids you should have,
the best hobbies for you,
where you should holiday,
and I'm telling you, the list goes on.
We want to do the right thing and we are nervous we might get things wrong.
So instead of relying on ourselves,
we listen to what others say and decide that their path is the right path.
And we do it so much, that after a prolonged period of time, it becomes a necessity
because we have been buying into other's ideas and relying so much on their power
for so long that our own power atrophies... it literally shrinks down
and as you now know, it becomes a hole, a void.
And so we rush around plugging our power cords into other people’s beliefs and dreams, ideals and passions, here, there, and everywhere without a plan or a solid direction.
And that works ...in the short term.
But, for the longterm?
Honestly, what can you expect if you are only plugged in
to someone else’s beliefs and desires?!?
you journey to where they want to go doing the things they love and want to do.
And that leaves you far, far away from your own desires, dreams, and passions.
And as was mentioned earlier,
it leaves you feeling empty, sad, grief-stricken, bored, longing for more, overweight, unhealthy, stressed, anxious and depressed. It leaves you with...
NOTE: Be sure to STAY TUNED for next week's SHE Blog
where you can discover the way out of Doughnut Syndrome.